First, a story...

...I hover my lips over her shiny, black top, making sure she feels my hot exhale glide up her lightly-covered skin. With glimmering eyes, she looks at me. It's the pause. The pause that comes before the next verse. The pause that says "I'm ready, are you?"

Her waist twitches forward as my fingers find the way to the zip. She smiles at me and buries her smooth, flawless cheek into my chest. I find the zip and her coyness melts in one smooth tug, into a pool of liquid desire. I've been expecting this for a long time, after months of teasing and waiting, it's her in nothing more than the thinnest layer of fabric possible.

I see, and feel, her body tremble lightly in my hands. What I see now sends me into a dizzy spin, I compose my vision and heartbeat. I can't just stop now, she wants it as badly as I do. The tips of my fingers lightly rake down her torso and I start lifting that last piece of garment up but she stops me.

"No, you can't."
"What, wh-why not?"
"Th-This is my first time, I'll...I'll scratch."
"I'll make sure you won't, I'll be gentle."
"No. Even then...you will leave smudges on me. You don't want to happen, do you?"

Her eyes mean it. We want it so badly but a wave of rationality just swept over us. I release her plastic membrane and say, "I understand. I can wait."

No, I didn't just write a piece of faux-erotica about an iPod Touch. I'm not sick so I found it on the web instead of spending 18 minutes on a passage that arouses as much as a bowl of soup Yong Tau Foo. Not the dry kind because there's something about the purple sweet sauce drizzled over the yellow noodl - Anyway, I've used the iPod Touch for a couple of days now and I must say, it's worth almost getting cheated over.

Like I the writer mentioned in the quoted passage above, it's a total darling and you will hesitate removing the thin piece of screen protector but then you realise, leaving that layer of plastic on is your equivalent of Auntie Helen not removing the remote control's wrapping because "it will last longer that way". There's a sexual innuendo somewhere in that previous sentence but I really need to stop digressing.

However cheap it looks, you will leave the screen protector on until you buy a $50 protective casing from a licensed Apple retailer and no matter how hard you've tried to avoid it, you're now a stereotypical douchebag Apple owner who spends as much money on accessories as you did on the Apple product itself. At that point, you will also develop a strange craving for a double-shot Caramel Macchiato (You even know how to pronounce it, out of nowhere) and using the in-build Google Maps software on your cute little device, you find the nearest Starbucks and ease into the faux-wooden chairs. All's well with the world, iPod in your right hand, a venti cup in your left. Trees around you blossom with the lushest pink you've ever seen and you feel a spring breeze caressing your face. Steve Jobs materialises in front of you and you waste no time in unzipping his dark blue straight-cut jeans and start licking his...uh...pod.

The above might have been a little too sharp for my own good but I really felt an urge to get a drink at Starbucks just so I can be seen using MY IPOD TOUCH HEY GUYS IPOD TOUCH in public, poking away on Facebook and YouTube on the IPOD TOUCH. The YouTube viewer on the iPod Touch/iPhone is absolutely perfect, by the way. Great for outdoors viewing of videos you can view at home.

There I go, veering into Contemptuous Sarcasm Land again but I can't help it, I hate myself for being such a bag of pretensions sometimes. Seriously, YouTube, iMail and Safari are great and Google Maps, Contacts and various little home-brew apps are cool but after a while, you just want it to play music and organise your songs nicely.

It's like how your wife can juggle twenty knives blindfolded, mime the entire opening scene of The Shawshank Redemption and be a Nobel Prize Winner for discovering the cure for AIDS but after a while, you just want a nice blowjob whenever you feel like having one.

Perhaps, this is better and less offensively described by the graph below:



I mean, once in a while, you'll still notice how beautiful she is but eh, nothing you haven't seen before, now suck my c play my music. That's not to say that I don't appreciate its functions and I'm sure it happens to all cool tech gadgets as well. Then again, I'm not too worried because we're still dating at the moment as I'm still finding out new things about her and what she can do. Apparently, there's a GameBoy Advance emulator that allows me to play Pokemon on the go.

Pros: You can play Pokemon in public.
Cons: You are playing Pokemon in public.

Oh well, she's still lean, smooth and agile now, better enjoy it for all I can.