There was this spider in the toilet, striding up its web very swiftly with a catch in its forelegs (or mouth). I didn't look that closely to confirm because it might jump into my eye and hatch eggs in there. The way the spider climbed up was so graceful and fascinating to watch even though it was in quite a hurry because of a gigantic two-legged creature staring at it. The catch was one of those small toilet flies that probably taste like shit because that's what they eat but poor spider doesn't know any better.

Kind of reminds me of supermodels who look gorgeous but yet, what they eat is probably as shitty as well. Okay, I just pulled that one out of my ass and it was total bullshit. All I wanted to do is to link an ordinary everyday occurrence to a statement that is somewhat thought-provoking so I can look smarter.

Also, there are quite a number of fecal references in this post. I'm proud of myself.

Kids kids kids kids kids kids

Kids are the best. They do not have insecurities serious enough to make everyone around them uncomfortable and all they want to do is have fun and laugh like idiots. Just by being themselves, they lighten up everyone's mood.

But of course, there are really un-fun kids too. The kind who sulk and drag their feet around. The kind who have a permanent expression of disgust on their faces as if someone threw their Bernie the Dinosaur plush toy into the drain after defacing it with a neon pink marker.

Luckily, the kids we met today at Vivocity's playground were the fun ones. They somehow coaxed me into staying on the twirly-whirly-pukey thing and rolling down the artificial hill into a puddle of water. I sure as hell hope it was water and not the product of some overly-anxious kid with poor bladder control.

I had to hide from the overactive little girl who chased me around the playground because I wanted a break from all the twirling and puking but she wouldn't let me. God, playing hide and seek with that menacing little devil got my heart pumping harder than any computer game managed to.

Then there was that boy who would give me a little jab in my lower back before getting the hell out of there. FACE ME LIKE A MAN DAMMIT! There was also this girl who has the raspiest voice ever. It was like Courtney Love in a little Chinese girl's body. If I wanted to form a female-fronted rock group, I would have signed her on the spot. She has the voice and that "I am the damn Queen around here" attitude. And the laughter, oh God, the laughter. It will forever haunt me in my sleep.

Trust me, go to the playground if you need to unwind a little. Cheaper and more fun than clubbing. No smell of tobacco on your jeans either.

Looking back

Being able to laugh at oneself is a good trait to have although it shouldn't be done in excess just to please others. So I took a look at some of my old entries, the ones that were written as far back as two years ago.

Here's an excerpt from 18/7/04:

"What the hell? You fucking suck la ok? I'm surfing the internet minding my own business and you just come messaging me "sian, entertain me" then I told you to find someone else to do that NICELY and you go all "oh i don't know you". FUCK OFF LA EUNICE CHONG. I have been finding an excuse to delete your numbers from my phone and block the living fuck out of you on msn. Thanks for giving me that oppurtunity. You're ridiculous."

GRR RAARRR RAARRR. I sure was an angry young man. Eunice was a good friend of mine before some things happened and we weren't friends anymore. It wasn't a "Don't fwen you already" kind of affair but it was close enough in terms of maturity.

Something from 5/8/04:

"This doesn't count as communicating I hope. It's just one-way. I miss you. Please stay."

I was so hopelessly infatuated before that I find it disgusting now. I wish I was there to calm myself down. This may also be the most emo entry I've ever made. While typing the previous sentence, I was hesitating about the use of the word "emo" because it's so horribly over and mis used nowadays that I very quickly and stealthily roll my eyes whenever I hear it.

From 12/9/04:

It's amazing to see how many times I've typed "Charmian" in one short entry like that. See what I mean about being hopelessly infatuated? I want to kick my 16 year old self in the balls so hard. And yes, Kian Chong, I will not be "a henpeck".

13/10/04:

Wow, what an amazingly effortless entry! Copy paste! And it's "Such great heights" of all songs. I still enjoy it but it's a really pussy song. Really really really pussy. Not the kind you would want to let others know that you listen to it but hey, I used to like My Chemical Romance too.

From December 2004:

Gayest entries ever.

Sadly, I'm sure these are not the worst.

24/6/05:

"Something so hot.
So hot that it got us all sweaty.
Something that kept us very busy for quite some time.
Lots of oil was used."

Wow, you're teasing the readers! And with such highly sophisticated innuendo!
To my credit though, that was a pretty long entry and the whole neighbour-giving-me-tons-of-vegetables thing was quite funny when I think about it.

Okay, that's it for now. I just can't go on anymore, it's really disgusting and sad. It does make me appreciate my present self more though.

Wishes for the new year

(In no particular order)

1. Everything to go the way I want them to.